What to do with Ravana?

Once again, I can see a lot of money spending in immolating the Great Villian of Ramayan, RAVANA. Time and again, I have showed my deep respect to this vintage hero requesting authorities not to humiliate such a learned person in public and that too, year after year. Recently, in one of my meetings with the Chief Minister of Delhi, I got the assurance that she will raise the issue in the parliament and will even ask for a CBI inquiry for the commoditization of the personality that has entertained us for ages.


I am quite sure that this matter may seem trivial to you but the truth remains that Indian culture cannot be a party to something which proliferates the sense of disparagement. After discussing with a lot of pundits, it seems that the poor fellow is being punished for teasing wife of Ram. Now may I ask us, what moral right we all have, when we ourselves have been indulged in one or other such shameless instances in the past (And this question is insensitive to your gender). The truth is that your first crush must have come in class I. The seemingly unforgivable act was, perhaps a harbinger of things to come. Had Ram acted sanely and taken appropriate measures, things would have been resolved then and there.


While I was discussing this with Ms. Dikshit, she seemed to be unable to control her laughter and was asking for a deeper analysis of the situation. Now, I am not that stupid to understand the subtleties of such diplomatic gestures and therefore maneuvered my stance to another direction.


I recommended that instead of honoring him in parks and other places; let us show our deep respect by placing him in any of the routes on which Blue Line buses operate. It will be a sheer delight for the public to see two Ravanas fighting each other, devourment of any will bring the much needed respite. Ms. Dikshit was in tears with a sheer mention of this thought and expressed her gratitude for thinking so much about Delhi’s public.


This encouraged me to broaden my thinking and I then thought of another innovative way of honoring the cult personality. I suggested of simply putting him on the Arunachal border and waiting for Chinese to claim that Ravana was a Chinese. Now, a claim of this magnitude will demand a complete revamp of slightly less than a dozen faces and every face should be in coherence with the great story attached with it. Now, you and I know that the Indian stories of Ramayana are so long and perplexing that this work will be sufficient enough to divert their attention. At this, Ms. Dikshit gave me a standing ovation and immediately offered me to join politics. I again sensed her satirical tone and humbly refused to accept the offer citing the position of National Security Advisor as my dream post.


Though many such offers have come by my way, I have never forgotten to be humble and concentrated on the larger issues, such as these. It still pains me to see the pitiful condition of Ravana, yet I am going to Dussehra ground to at least empathize with this lone personality.